Thursday, December 5, 2013

Personal issues

So finals are over and I'm officially half way done through university life. That's really fast haha. I'm in the phase of desperately looking for an internship for next year's summer holiday and looking for part time jobs now to pay for all my trips this hols. I must be cray to go for three trips this hols hahaha. But that's to make up for the past few hols where I just stayed in sg. I wished I could just run away from all these responsibilities but ya, I know I can't. I hate being irresponsible.

So aside that, haven really talked on a more personal level for awhile. Just wanna touch that side for a bit today.
I admit and have been told, I get jealous really easily. Is it because I'm insecure abt myself? Is it because I don't trust enough? I'm not sure either. I don't wanna be that crazy girl that is overly attached. I wanna be cool but I just can't get over that feeling inside of me. It's on and off, sometimes I manage to psyched myself that I'm mature and I trust enough and that'll be okay. But if I Don sit down and really think things through properly myself, my instant reaction, and the emotions driving my reactions would most likely be jealousy.
Which would lead to me feeling angry and upset. I hate this whirlwind crap. Why am I like that. Why do I expect so many things. Why am I selfish. Sigh. If only it was that easy to change a personality and not just fake it. Faking it is easy and it's probably the first step to making it real. But making it permanent is just toughhh.
Okay enough of my random rant.
Just one of those nights.

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